I think I'd like to be a Disney princess!

I know some people wish to be an actual princess, but I think there may be just a bit too much responsibility with the crown and the title, and the family drama. If you're a real princess you probably have a cousin or a sister-in-law who's a duchess, but secretly wishes she was a princess and harbors ill feelings towards you, glaring at you fiendishly through the party-goers at each gala event held in your honor.

Still others I know wish to be a pop princess, singing and dancing their way onto the stage at the Grammy's. Yeah, I think a serious case of stage fright might make that more nightmare than fairytale for me. Plus, I'm not partial to sequins and from what I've seen that's a big portion of a pop star's life. I mean, I love a good sparkle, but when you start bedazzling your pets you've gone too far!

But a Disney princess, now that's the life! How do you think one goes about applying for that job? I'm sure there's a waiting list, but I'd like to get my name added! I mean, seriously, think about it. Have you ever seen a Disney Princess having a bad hair day, or walking around with a chipped manicure? Never! And those chicks are always impeccably dressed! Even Cinderella's maid's outfit fit her perfectly; accentuating her tiny waist and graceful ankles. But the ensemble didn't end there! Even though Cinderelly (as her friends liked to call her!) woke up in a dingy, cold room every day, given nothing more than meager furnishings for life, she somehow managed to coordinate her hair bow to her apron! And then she sang about it, dancing and twirling with the birdies and the squirrels who romped outside her bedroom window!

Now, I don't know about you, but in my 'hood, if I tried to sing with the birds and dance with the squirrels, two things would happen. First, my neighbor, Tommy, who's just a little crazy looking, but super friendly would probably yell out, "What you doin' silly white girl? Squirrels and birds is for eatin' not for playin'." And if after that warning, I still decided to wrangle up a few furry and feathery friends, I'd need a pair of bite-proof leather gloves, a cage for capturing my new little buddy, and a rabbies shot! And I could probably come up with a song for that, but I'd have to match it to the beat of the El Dorado's subwoofers, rolling down the street on his 22's. I'm just not sure I'm that talented of a song writer!

But I've got to say, all in all I think I'm a pretty good candidate for the princess gig. I've got my own prince, no need to outsource that job to some overly groomed Ken doll with plastic hair. I'll take my tatted up, pierced, beautifully bald husband with me as a bonus. I don't need a castle, I'm perfectly content with my 2 bedroom, 1 bath haven in the g-hetto! I can, with confidence, offer up my impressive heel collection as proof that I'm princess material...and if that's doesn't convince the Disney people, I've got slippers too (leopard print ones)! And the icing on the cake? I come with my own side kicks! Move over Flounder, Abu, and Raja, make room for Beau, Ninja-dog extraordinaire! He even has his own outfits, complete with holiday costumes!

So, if you see the Disney people, and you could put in a good word, I'd appreciate it. For now, I'll just stay here and practice my magic carpet driving skills, because you never know when that will come in handy!