And the indecision wins again!

I am obsessed. I admit it. I can't help myself, I cannot control my thoughts or my actions. My very life is consumed by this one thing. I am overcome by it's power, and I submit to it's reign.

I will not be detoured by the threat of public scorn or humiliation; I will come clean about my fascination with.......decorating.

Was that dramatic? Did you feel the tension? Were you on the edge of your seat, nibbling on your fingernails and holding your breath? Yeah, I didn't think so, but thanks for stopping back by to read the latest installment of my ramblings. Let me just share with you what's been on my mind...constantly.

From the minute I wake up in the morning, to the minute my sleepy peepers close in slumber, I am consumed by thoughts of paint samples, fabric swatches, accent furniture, and artwork. I stroll around my house plotting and planning, praying that my husband will agree (or at least acquiesce) to my dreams for our home. Our walls are scattered with blues, greens, and yellows in various shades; from top to bottom paint samples jump out at me as little reminders that we're still undecided. Well, actually that's not completely true. We have agreed on the colors, now it's just a matter of putting them on the walls...and living with them. Gasp! The very thought grips me with fear! For some reason paint is VERY permanent to me. I know, I know, paint is one of the things in life that is NOT permanent. BUT, it takes a lot of work, and a lot of time to paint, and I want it to be right the first time. I'm kind of a scary-type-A-perfectionist that way! So, what if it's all wrong? What if the beautifully deep green color we picked for our dining room bathes everything in an eerie glow reminiscent of army fatigues? And what if that blue, ah...that deliciously crisp blue...the one we've picked for our living room....what if it isn't deliciously rich, but instead hauntingly too dark?? Oh man, it's a lot of pressure!

And yet, paint is the least of my worries. Eventually we'll just tape off those walls, slap on those Behr colors and call it a day. It's the REST of the decorating process that makes me want to cry like a little girl, curling up in the fetal position. Pictures, mirrors, frames, pillows, tables, benches...ah!!! What if it's all wrong? What if I mix plaids with patterns, reds with purples, and my house resembles a room from Pee-Wee's Playhouse? What if my dining room is French Country, my living room is Old English, and my kitchen is rustic Italian??? That doesn't even sound like a good idea! Just the thought conjures up images of croissants, topped with bangers and mash, smothered in marinara! See? No good in the culinary world...even worse in the decorator's world! Carved, stenciled sideboards, smothered with doilies, covered with antique olive oil bottles! Oh, the things Martha would say! None of those are "good things"!

I'm freaking out a little bit, in hopes that somewhere, deep within the recesses of my brain I will rattle out the semblance of a picture of what "cool" looks like to me. I want my home to reflect our personalities (which is not an easy task given my anal-retentive, everything should be square and precise personality, and my husband's "Can't we just hang this tattoo poster on the wall?" personality - God bless him!). But, I also want our home to be warm and welcoming. I want guests, family, and friends to walk in and feel like they can curl up in our over-sized chair, tuck their feet up under them and enjoy a cafe latte. Now, I'm aware that there are several things in that picture that don't line up with reality at my house. First, curling up in any piece of furniture in our house necessitates that you don't mind cat hair, or that you've brought along your own furry friends de-fur linting mitt. Do you have one of those? Oh, you should get one, they're nifty! Second, tucking your feet up under you is definitely a good idea at our house. But you might want to tuck your arms, fingers, legs, neck, face...basically anywhere you might have skin showing. If you don't I will not be held responsible for the licking that will occur when our resident ninja-dog comes to greet you. Tuck and roll people, tuck and roll! Third, and this is my final thought on this: I don't have any machine handy that would create a cafe latte for you, nor would I know how to make one should I acquire said machine. So, you might have to settle for a packet of powdered hot chocolate. I'll even throw in some extra marshmallows for you! But even with those realities, I want our home to be an oasis from our hectic lives and a place our friends feel welcome. Oh, and I want it to look really cool! That isn't asking too much, is it??

As you can tell (and I'm not ashamed to admit) I'm having a moment (or two) here. I'm working my way through a bit of hysteria at the idea of decorating my whole house and having it not look like I allowed my 3 year old niece to piece by piece assemble my furnishings. How do you do it? How do you coordinate one room to the next, intermingling furnishings and colors, while still maintaining style and sophistication? I'm overwhelmed. I think I'll just take a break from the decorating for a few minutes and think about something else. Chocolate maybe. That's my happy place; I'll think about chocolate.