Consider it a Public Service Announcement

Dear Fashion World:
You're kidding, right? You must be kidding! There simply is no other explanation: it must be a joke. I've got to say, in all honesty, I don't really enjoy your brand of humor. Please pack up the floral prints, the Hammer pants, the shades of mauve and seafoam green, and the dangly earrings, slap a shipping label on 'em and Fed-Ex those bad boys back to the 90's where they belong! Thank you.

Sincerely,
Disappointed Diva

And that's the letter I would write to the people of the fashion world if they had a collective address. I am sorely disappointed in their combined inability to decipher retro from rancid! Have you been to the stores? Don't go! They are filled with hastily thought-out 80's and 90's throwbacks and pathetic attempts to bring the past into the present. My need for new Spring and Summer duds has been overshadowed by the heinous lack of anything even resembling feminine details and classic lines in my local stores. The internet? Yes, I can find some beautiful pieces of art-worthy linens online, but head out into the real world, bricks and mortar stores and I am disappointed time and time again. I have money to spend, permission to spend it, and not a bargain-priced piece of couture to be found!

And after several months of scouting not only every store window I pass, but also not-so-subtly checking out what everyone else is sporting, I have come to the conclusion that I might actually be in the minority here. It seems that everyone else is perfectly content to don a chartreuse off-the-shoulder sweater and a pair of plaid, purple leggings and call it a day! Am I also in the minority in that I own a mirror and I USE it everyday? I have noticed some particularly disturbing trends lately that I'd like to address if I may. If I had the resources, the addresses, and the nerve, here are some other letters I might pen.

Dear Teenage Boys,
Eh-hem, you are BOYS! As such, there are several items of clothing and personal care products that are simply off limits to you. I will compile a sample list for your reference. Feel free to print it off and carry it with you as a guide. Eye liner and mascara (black, purple, blue, wrong, wrong, wrong!), finger nail polish (if you had to steal it from your little sister's Hanna Montana travel cosmetic case you shouldn't be wearing it!), skinny jeans (ok, let's be honest that these don't even look good on girls...and they're MUCH prettier than you are!), delicate fashion scarves (if it ain't wool and knit by your grandma, leave it alone!). And just a final note: I know, I know, the style right now dictates that long hair is not only acceptable, but is actually sought after. However, if I am walking behind you, admiring your soft, wavy locks, and your hip accentuating jeans, and pondering whether to stop you and ask where you bought your adorable pink top, and then I find out your name isn't Sally, or Stephie, or Jan, but instead something like Will, or Dan, or Bud...I'm going to be upset! So, do both of us a favor and turn in your girly-gear for some man-wear. And don't cry about it, that doesn't look good on you either!

Sincerely,
Katie
"Mistakenly admiring girl jeans on boys since 2009"

Do you feel me on this one? Have you seen this "trend"? What happened to the days of baggy jeans and backwards baseball caps? I never thought I'd miss the days when you saw 16 year old boys running down the street, holding their pants up so they didn't fall down. Now those boys aren't running anywhere. They can't, their girl jeans are cutting off circulation to all kinds of important places!

Ah, the good old days, when boys looked like boys, and you didn't have to play the "Boy or Girl?" game. Come on, you know you play that game too! It goes a little something like this, "Look over there honey, is that a boy or a girl?" "I think it's a girl...no, no, maybe it's a boy. Yep, it just turned around, definitely a boy...I think." You know you do it!

And girls aren't off the hook here! There are SO many things I have to say on the subject of whorifying female apparel. But that's a whole other blog, so let me start here...

Dear Pajama Girl,
It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon. You are in Target...in your pajamas...sporting fuzzy slippers...and full makeup. Come on! I just have to ask. Did you really get out of bed, shower, put on makeup, style your hair and PUT ON pajamas for the day? Are you really so lazy that the thought of buttoning and zipping up your jeans sends you back into your pajama drawer for a pair of slip-on slacks? Because if you've really given up on the thought of structured leg-coverings, might I suggest a pair of yoga pants? Just as slacker-friendly, but much less offensive. I hate to be the one to tell you this (although let's be honest that your MOM should have said it to you when you bounded out of your room in your Sponge Bob bottoms), but you don't look good like that. In fact you look a little crazy, a little dirty, and a lot of lazy! PJ's are for the bed-room, not the supermarket, the cineplex, or the mall! Period.

Sincerely,
PJ Protester
"Wearing jeans out-of-doors since diapers, and planning to do so until I'm back in diapers"

And like I said, I have a plethora of other complaints regarding the female populations attire, but I'll leave those for another post. The day isn't long enough and my fingers aren't fast enough to spout off about that now.

I'm interested to hear if any of you have noticed these trends, or would like to weigh in on your own observations from Fashion 2009 (and years previous!). Faves? Hates? Wishes?