THE Plan...you know, the one!

This is going to be quick, because I've got rock costumes to paint and staging to assemble, and music to memorize! Kid's Musical here we come!! But, I said I'd let you know my "PLAN" for working my way back down to an acceptable weight and I wanted to do that, if ever so briefly.

Here goes:

1. Put down the cookie (It's number ONE, I think you know why!)

2. Work out 5 days a week (three days down, two more to go this week)

3. Eat dark, leafy greens and sumptuous fruits (giving them delicious names makes them more desirable!)

4. Do NOT eat dessert 7 days a week (the first time I typed this I typed, "No desserts". Ha! Yeah, like that's going to happen. REALITY CHECK!)

5. Stay accountable by posting updates here

That should do it! I'm excited for this new adventure! I can't wait to see what I can achieve when I put my mind to it!! I love new challenges!

Share (and Show) and Tell

Stupid truth-telling bathroom scales! Personally, I am waiting for the day when they robotocize those things and give them brains. Yes, I know, robotocize is not a word, I'm ok with it. Anyways, your scale should be able to take one look at your sad, plump little face and understand that you simply can't handle the truth at 6 ' o clock in the morning. And they should LIE to you!

I imagine this is how that conversation would go:

Sally Scale:
"110 lbs this morning! Way to go, give yourself a pat on the back!"

Delusional Me:
"Oh my, thank you Sally, I will give myself a pat, and a cookie, because at 110 lbs I can afford a few extra desserts!"

You're right, maybe a lying scale is a bad idea. However, there's got to be a better solution because as of right now that brainless piece of metal (that I've named Sally so that she and I can be friends instead of enemies) only knows how to do one thing...move her tiny, black, tear-inducing, heartless, arrow higher and higher up the numbers scale. Each new pound solidifying what I've been feeling in my jeans for the last few weeks! Guess what? You really CAN'T lose weight by eating more and not working out. I know, it's shocking! But, I'm living proof of the reality of that statement! And since I'd rather not be the poster child for Women Against Movement of Any Kind, I'd better get my butt back into shape. Plus, I have great motivation.

Take a little gander at the unflattering photo below. Hey, look it's me, 5 years ago and almost 40 pounds heavier! And I promise, I did not scour my photo archive searching for a heinous picture to post...that's actually what I looked like, walking around the Earth in November of 2004. Now, to make myself feel better today (because let's be honest that I'm crabby and HUNGRY!), I've also posted a picture taken in the summer of 2008. That's pretty much what I look like now...plus about 8 lbs. Stinkin' brownies, cupcakes, and muffins!

November 2004

Summer 2008

And now it's April 2009 and where am I right now? Oh dear reader, I jumped on my trusty bathroom scale this morning and that tiny black arrow pointed to the numbers 1-3-4! What?!?! How is that possible? In just over a year I've managed to gain back 11 lbs of what took me so long and so many lunges and squats to take off!! I was horrified! And needless to say, I was motivated! I am now on a quest, my own personal quest, to rid myself of this extra weight and I'm dragging you all along!

I have shamelessly admitted my weight to the general public in hopes of gaining some accountability. I have made some goals (because if you read my previous post, you know how I like to set goals!!) and I think I'll share them with you! Man, I'm so good at sharing! I would totally get the BrownBird Girls patch for that one! (Anyone get the Friends reference there, anyone, anyone?)

1. Stick to my calorie plan (I won't bore you with the numbers, but just know I"ll probably be hungry a lot over the next few months. Don't you dare step foot in my office or home with anything chocolate covered, sugar dusted, or deep fried. I might eat you!)

2. Reach my goal of 20 boy push-ups by June 1. (I can only do 5 right now. Girl pushups? We are friends, I've got those covered, it's the up on my toes kind that make my arms wobble like weebles)

3. GET BACK IN SHAPE!!!

I think that last one sums it up nicely! Ha!

Alright, so I've set some goals, now I need a plan. I'll have to work on that later and get back to you. Believe me, there will be a list involved! A list that contains a lot of the word NO and absolutely no words that resemble, sound like, or are cousins to: cake, potato chips or bacon.

I feel good about it. I feel hungry...but I feel good. I welcome partners on my quest, and I also welcome suggestions and tips.

What has worked for you? How do you stay in shape? Do you want a running partner???

Workin' on Resolutions!

I have 23 items on my New Year's Resolutions List for 2009. And in answer to your question, "No, I am not kidding." And to your follow-up question, "Yes, I am a very sick individual." There, now that we have your shock and judgment covered, we can move on.

My list for 2008 only had 8 resolutions, so either I've become more adventurous or the crazy has been dialed up a notch! I vote for crazy, since out of 8 items on my list for 2008 I only accomplished 4 of them.

And yet as the clock struck midnight on December 31, 2008 my new list was compiled and I was committed to a year of change...a lot of change. Ah, change. It's like a warm cookie; a cookie I'd like to kiss right on the lips! What? That doesn't even make sense. I'm just going to walk away from it.

Anyways, because we're more than a few months into this glorious new year I decided to check up on my progress with the aforementioned list and see how I'm doing. Care to come along?

1. Learn to sew.
Yeah, this has NOT happened for several reasons. A. I do not have a sewing machine. B. Sewing requires time and space...two things that are in very short supply at the Leonard household. and finally C. I do not have a sewing machine. It's listed twice because it's key!
2. Learn to communicate.
Marriage is my favorite! That said, nothing in life will show you where you suck quite like marriage. So, with that in mind I will work on communication!
3. Save money so we can start a family.
When you said "save money" did you mean "spend money"?...cause that's what's going on in our house. One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you...none for Rusty Jr. Oh, it's sad!
4. Workout on a consistent basis.
Does mixing the brownie batter count as a workout?
5. Eat less processed foods. Make as much as I can from scratch.
I have tried to stick to this. I make a lot from scratch. However, biscuits and rolls will forever in our home be made by Pillsbury. I tried "from scratch", I'm going back to "from the can".
6. Read one book a month.
Well I must have been on crack, because I haven't read one book in 4 months. Although, I didn't specify length of the book...Goodnight Moon here I come.
7. Eat chocolate whenever I feel like it, and don't feel guilty about it.
Done and done!
8. Live a balanced life.
Define balanced. Nope, never mind. No matter how you define it, I'm not doing it. I lose.
9. Practice yoga.
I have the yoga tape, I have the yoga pants, I even have the mat. What I don't have is the time. Namaste!
10. Commit to one day a week of "play"
Rusty and I have really been working on this one. We try to take a walk together or have dinner (not in front of the TV), or spend quality time out of our house each week. I think we can give ourselves an A for this resolution. Finally!
11. Take a cooking class
The year's not over yet!
12. Read at least 5 minutes in my Bible every day
It's not every day, but I've become MUCH more disciplined in my Bible reading this year.
13. Get involved in a life group or a small group
Working on it!
14. Learn to love the body I've been given and stop trying to achieve perfection.
Perfection isn't achievable? Someone should tell a sista' earlier in life!
15. Get moving everyday.
I move. I move from my bed to the couch, to the car, to my chair at work, back to the car, back to the couch and back to my bed. That totally counts! Alright, this has been rough during the winter months, but I'm getting motivated. Swimsuit season will do that to you!
16. Keep my desk clutter free and organized. Clean out the junk every Friday.
Hahahaha! That's pretty much all I've got to say on that.
17. Paint my nails more often.
How do you girls do it? Look at you with your perfectly manicured nails! I tried this one and I just don't think it's going to happen. Typing on a keyboard all day, shuffling through papers, and washing the dishes each night is killer on nail polish! Maybe when I become a lady of leisure I can achieve this goal. Until then I will embrace a good nail file and a clear top coat!
18. Blow dry my hair most days of the week.
For a girl with naturally curly hair this is a rather lofty goal. My locks are not wash and go friendly! But I hate spending the time to blow them out...and then curl them up EVERY day. Admittedly I have been wearing a lot of hats to off-set the lack of salon-style in my 'do!
19. Try a new hairstyle, one that scares me and my husband.
I am not kidding, this was actually on the list. And I did it! Blonde, blonde, blonde, blonde, blonde. Need I say more?
20. Don't see morning as the enemy.
Oh, but it IS the enemy. Sneaky little sucker! I have worked on this resolution in honor of my early bird husband. And surprisingly I am doing quite well! There are still days when I'm convinced that everything before 8 am was created by the devil himself...but those days are fewer and farther between.
21. Volunteer with an organization that helps underprivileged or abused children.
I am so sad that I haven't done this one yet! BUT, again, the year's not over!
22. Perform random acts of kindness...anonymously.
I love this one! "Hello, my name is Rain, and this is my dress made entirely of wheat..." I know, this makes me sound a little bit like a flower child, but I'm keeping it. I think it's important that I look for ways to serve other people before myself.
23. Be thankful for everything; remember how blessed I am.
I should sew this on a patch and carry it around with me, because this one is hard to do when you're in Cub on a Saturday morning! Seriously people, the aisles are like roads, you have to stay on your side...and there's no stopping in the middle!!!

That's the list, that's all 23 things I think I can accomplish this year. As you can see I'm still a work in progress in most of these areas, but I'm ok with that. Sharing them with other people helps keep me accountable and it's a good reminder to me what I'm supposed to be working on.

Do you make resolutions? Do you keep them? Want to share??

And the indecision wins again!

I am obsessed. I admit it. I can't help myself, I cannot control my thoughts or my actions. My very life is consumed by this one thing. I am overcome by it's power, and I submit to it's reign.

I will not be detoured by the threat of public scorn or humiliation; I will come clean about my fascination with.......decorating.

Was that dramatic? Did you feel the tension? Were you on the edge of your seat, nibbling on your fingernails and holding your breath? Yeah, I didn't think so, but thanks for stopping back by to read the latest installment of my ramblings. Let me just share with you what's been on my mind...constantly.

From the minute I wake up in the morning, to the minute my sleepy peepers close in slumber, I am consumed by thoughts of paint samples, fabric swatches, accent furniture, and artwork. I stroll around my house plotting and planning, praying that my husband will agree (or at least acquiesce) to my dreams for our home. Our walls are scattered with blues, greens, and yellows in various shades; from top to bottom paint samples jump out at me as little reminders that we're still undecided. Well, actually that's not completely true. We have agreed on the colors, now it's just a matter of putting them on the walls...and living with them. Gasp! The very thought grips me with fear! For some reason paint is VERY permanent to me. I know, I know, paint is one of the things in life that is NOT permanent. BUT, it takes a lot of work, and a lot of time to paint, and I want it to be right the first time. I'm kind of a scary-type-A-perfectionist that way! So, what if it's all wrong? What if the beautifully deep green color we picked for our dining room bathes everything in an eerie glow reminiscent of army fatigues? And what if that blue, ah...that deliciously crisp blue...the one we've picked for our living room....what if it isn't deliciously rich, but instead hauntingly too dark?? Oh man, it's a lot of pressure!

And yet, paint is the least of my worries. Eventually we'll just tape off those walls, slap on those Behr colors and call it a day. It's the REST of the decorating process that makes me want to cry like a little girl, curling up in the fetal position. Pictures, mirrors, frames, pillows, tables, benches...ah!!! What if it's all wrong? What if I mix plaids with patterns, reds with purples, and my house resembles a room from Pee-Wee's Playhouse? What if my dining room is French Country, my living room is Old English, and my kitchen is rustic Italian??? That doesn't even sound like a good idea! Just the thought conjures up images of croissants, topped with bangers and mash, smothered in marinara! See? No good in the culinary world...even worse in the decorator's world! Carved, stenciled sideboards, smothered with doilies, covered with antique olive oil bottles! Oh, the things Martha would say! None of those are "good things"!

I'm freaking out a little bit, in hopes that somewhere, deep within the recesses of my brain I will rattle out the semblance of a picture of what "cool" looks like to me. I want my home to reflect our personalities (which is not an easy task given my anal-retentive, everything should be square and precise personality, and my husband's "Can't we just hang this tattoo poster on the wall?" personality - God bless him!). But, I also want our home to be warm and welcoming. I want guests, family, and friends to walk in and feel like they can curl up in our over-sized chair, tuck their feet up under them and enjoy a cafe latte. Now, I'm aware that there are several things in that picture that don't line up with reality at my house. First, curling up in any piece of furniture in our house necessitates that you don't mind cat hair, or that you've brought along your own furry friends de-fur linting mitt. Do you have one of those? Oh, you should get one, they're nifty! Second, tucking your feet up under you is definitely a good idea at our house. But you might want to tuck your arms, fingers, legs, neck, face...basically anywhere you might have skin showing. If you don't I will not be held responsible for the licking that will occur when our resident ninja-dog comes to greet you. Tuck and roll people, tuck and roll! Third, and this is my final thought on this: I don't have any machine handy that would create a cafe latte for you, nor would I know how to make one should I acquire said machine. So, you might have to settle for a packet of powdered hot chocolate. I'll even throw in some extra marshmallows for you! But even with those realities, I want our home to be an oasis from our hectic lives and a place our friends feel welcome. Oh, and I want it to look really cool! That isn't asking too much, is it??

As you can tell (and I'm not ashamed to admit) I'm having a moment (or two) here. I'm working my way through a bit of hysteria at the idea of decorating my whole house and having it not look like I allowed my 3 year old niece to piece by piece assemble my furnishings. How do you do it? How do you coordinate one room to the next, intermingling furnishings and colors, while still maintaining style and sophistication? I'm overwhelmed. I think I'll just take a break from the decorating for a few minutes and think about something else. Chocolate maybe. That's my happy place; I'll think about chocolate.

Consider it a Public Service Announcement

Dear Fashion World:
You're kidding, right? You must be kidding! There simply is no other explanation: it must be a joke. I've got to say, in all honesty, I don't really enjoy your brand of humor. Please pack up the floral prints, the Hammer pants, the shades of mauve and seafoam green, and the dangly earrings, slap a shipping label on 'em and Fed-Ex those bad boys back to the 90's where they belong! Thank you.

Sincerely,
Disappointed Diva

And that's the letter I would write to the people of the fashion world if they had a collective address. I am sorely disappointed in their combined inability to decipher retro from rancid! Have you been to the stores? Don't go! They are filled with hastily thought-out 80's and 90's throwbacks and pathetic attempts to bring the past into the present. My need for new Spring and Summer duds has been overshadowed by the heinous lack of anything even resembling feminine details and classic lines in my local stores. The internet? Yes, I can find some beautiful pieces of art-worthy linens online, but head out into the real world, bricks and mortar stores and I am disappointed time and time again. I have money to spend, permission to spend it, and not a bargain-priced piece of couture to be found!

And after several months of scouting not only every store window I pass, but also not-so-subtly checking out what everyone else is sporting, I have come to the conclusion that I might actually be in the minority here. It seems that everyone else is perfectly content to don a chartreuse off-the-shoulder sweater and a pair of plaid, purple leggings and call it a day! Am I also in the minority in that I own a mirror and I USE it everyday? I have noticed some particularly disturbing trends lately that I'd like to address if I may. If I had the resources, the addresses, and the nerve, here are some other letters I might pen.

Dear Teenage Boys,
Eh-hem, you are BOYS! As such, there are several items of clothing and personal care products that are simply off limits to you. I will compile a sample list for your reference. Feel free to print it off and carry it with you as a guide. Eye liner and mascara (black, purple, blue, wrong, wrong, wrong!), finger nail polish (if you had to steal it from your little sister's Hanna Montana travel cosmetic case you shouldn't be wearing it!), skinny jeans (ok, let's be honest that these don't even look good on girls...and they're MUCH prettier than you are!), delicate fashion scarves (if it ain't wool and knit by your grandma, leave it alone!). And just a final note: I know, I know, the style right now dictates that long hair is not only acceptable, but is actually sought after. However, if I am walking behind you, admiring your soft, wavy locks, and your hip accentuating jeans, and pondering whether to stop you and ask where you bought your adorable pink top, and then I find out your name isn't Sally, or Stephie, or Jan, but instead something like Will, or Dan, or Bud...I'm going to be upset! So, do both of us a favor and turn in your girly-gear for some man-wear. And don't cry about it, that doesn't look good on you either!

Sincerely,
Katie
"Mistakenly admiring girl jeans on boys since 2009"

Do you feel me on this one? Have you seen this "trend"? What happened to the days of baggy jeans and backwards baseball caps? I never thought I'd miss the days when you saw 16 year old boys running down the street, holding their pants up so they didn't fall down. Now those boys aren't running anywhere. They can't, their girl jeans are cutting off circulation to all kinds of important places!

Ah, the good old days, when boys looked like boys, and you didn't have to play the "Boy or Girl?" game. Come on, you know you play that game too! It goes a little something like this, "Look over there honey, is that a boy or a girl?" "I think it's a girl...no, no, maybe it's a boy. Yep, it just turned around, definitely a boy...I think." You know you do it!

And girls aren't off the hook here! There are SO many things I have to say on the subject of whorifying female apparel. But that's a whole other blog, so let me start here...

Dear Pajama Girl,
It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon. You are in Target...in your pajamas...sporting fuzzy slippers...and full makeup. Come on! I just have to ask. Did you really get out of bed, shower, put on makeup, style your hair and PUT ON pajamas for the day? Are you really so lazy that the thought of buttoning and zipping up your jeans sends you back into your pajama drawer for a pair of slip-on slacks? Because if you've really given up on the thought of structured leg-coverings, might I suggest a pair of yoga pants? Just as slacker-friendly, but much less offensive. I hate to be the one to tell you this (although let's be honest that your MOM should have said it to you when you bounded out of your room in your Sponge Bob bottoms), but you don't look good like that. In fact you look a little crazy, a little dirty, and a lot of lazy! PJ's are for the bed-room, not the supermarket, the cineplex, or the mall! Period.

Sincerely,
PJ Protester
"Wearing jeans out-of-doors since diapers, and planning to do so until I'm back in diapers"

And like I said, I have a plethora of other complaints regarding the female populations attire, but I'll leave those for another post. The day isn't long enough and my fingers aren't fast enough to spout off about that now.

I'm interested to hear if any of you have noticed these trends, or would like to weigh in on your own observations from Fashion 2009 (and years previous!). Faves? Hates? Wishes?

A Creep in the Night

It's no secret that we live in the ghetto. We're proud of it. We're thinking of getting jackets or shirts that say, "Ghetto Pride, Camden or Die!" Alright, maybe that's not true. But, we do love our neighborhood and the spice of life it brings...most of the time. However, that ghetto love was diminished just a tiny bit on Monday night. Allow me to scenario you.

It's about 10:10 pm and we're arriving home from a friend's party. We roll up to our garage (because that's how you arrive in our hood, you roll up), and just as my husband cuts the engine I see a male figure striding down the alley towards us. Now, let me just alert you to how my brain works before we venture any further into this story. My brain is such that if I see a tiny, baby bunny, my first thought is not, "Oh, how cute! We should keep it as a pet!" My first thought goes something more like, " I bet that bunny has rabies, or another bunny-born disease that I certainly do not want to carry around on my person." I envision that itty-bitty ball of fur sprouting fangs, and lunging at me in a vampire-esque fashion to impale and deliver a deadly dose of bunny venom. It's true...it's sick, but it's true. So, when I see a man walking down our alley at 10-dark-thirty at night, my brain jumps to all kinds of murderous, stabby conclusions! I think I even said the words, "Well, that doesn't look good."

My husband got out of the Jeep and closed the door, at which point the man waved and began to approach him. Around this time I'm becoming nervous and gripping a crock pot full of boiled nacho cheese product just a bit tighter to my chest (we'd brought nachos to the party - ole!). Oh, and just a special note for those of you who do not enjoy the smell of processed nacho cheese product that's been boiling in a crock pot for the better part of 5 hours: Hugging it closely to your chest WILL transfer that smell to your clothes. Make note!

Anyways, this man flags down my husband, producing his wallet and pointing to the indication on his ID stating that he's deaf. He spends the next few moments trying to relay to Rusty what we decided was this information: "My car broke down over there and I need a ride to Shoreview". Rusty graciously pointed out several gas stations and a repair shop within walking distance of our house, apologized to the man for not being able to do more, wished him good luck, and began walking towards our gate. I hurriedly joined him, envisioning a gun to our backs at any moment, a Hollywood-worthy kidnapping scene, and my eventual bloody demise. Thankfully, that was not the scene that followed.

After unlocking our door and dumping the aforementioned cheese product into a seal-able smell-proof bag, I began to prepare for dreamland. While I was brushing my teeth, Rusty came into the bathroom with a puzzled look on his face and stated, "I think that guy is standing outside our house." Now, for a girl with a vivid imagination and a pension towards doom, these are NOT happy words of encouragement! Admittedly, I freaked out a little bit.

Apparently, Rusty had gone to the front of our house to look out the window in our front door and had seen this man standing on the sidewalk in front of our house...and he had waived at Rusty! Yeah, well, because we've seen those CSI episodes (not to mention Law & Order, Medium, and Cops!) we walked around our house checking doors and turning off lights. And then, we took stealth watch positions out our two front windows, being careful to keep out of view.

The creepy mystery man walked across the street to the police training center and entered there...but only briefly. In a few minutes he was back outside, pacing up and down the sidewalk and every so often stopping to stare at our house. I was convinced that he could see me through the closed curtains (even though I was ducked down behind the couch cushions!). Where is my invisible spray when I need it?? A few minutes into our home-invasion-prevention standoff the man gazed over at our house and waived again! Rusty jokingly inquired if I'd like him to go get his gun. Not seeing the need for jokes, I very seriously replied that I'd very much appreciate it if he would go get his BAT! He agreed.

This went on for a while people. The man walked in and out of the building across the street, wondered up and down the sidewalk and just generally creeped us out for almost an hour, as we sat vigilent in our stake-out. Finally, around 11 pm a truck pulled up and he got in, driving out of our lives (but definitely not out of my mind!). As we continued to watch out the window a squad car pulled up to the door he had been standing at and two uniformed police men got out and went inside. They came back out shortly thereafter and drove away. We're convinced someone in the training center or one of our concerned neighbors called the police regarding this man's presence, but he was gone before they arrived.

Needless to say I didn't sleep well on Monday night. I couldn't stop listening for sounds, and watching for movement in the shadows outside our bedroom windows! That is just a little too much excitement for me right before my head hits the pillow. I don't need excuses to dream of balding, fat men in yellow leotards, smoking cigars and following me into elevators. Oh, you probably don't understand that reference! That's a whole other blog! Just know that my vivid imagination rolls over into vivid nightmares! I'm sure I'll conjure up a doosie from this experience. Look forward to that post!